You are stuck in some area of your life. You’re in debt, you’re in conflict, something has just happened to you and you are operating on autopilot just to get through the day. If this sounds familiar, I’m asking you to stop, take a break and get clarity on your personal values.
I can imagine you have similar thoughts to what I had in a similar situation: “That’s crazy! I don’t have time to stop, I’ve got things to take care of and if I stop to take time for myself, everything is going to fall apart around me!”
So you keep going. You will force yourself to get through a life you subconsciously do not buy into.
You might be able to do this for a long time, I did and then I hit my wall. Divorce. The reason I got to that point was because I wasn’t clear on my personal values, my ex wasn’t clear on his and thus it follows neither of us was clear with each other. We were both living in a situation we didn’t like, neither of us understood it and we took it out on each other. it’s not hard to see how we ended up where we did.
Eventually the impact of not living according to your values will surface. I think many of us are on a similar path in life and hit the that zone in their 40s. Mid-life crisis anyone? My ex and I were together for 10 years before we got married and we managed fine during that time. There was nothing big at stake. Then we got married and started having to make some big decisions. Getting married should have been the first one, but we thought that it couldn’t be that hard as we had been together so long without many bumps. We bought a house, we had kids, we moved countries. we moved back and we got divorced.
I am now grateful for my divorce as it forced me to search for my values. I finally made the mental connection that putting myself aside was leading to my unhappiness. I spent months resisting discovering my values and now I am spending time retraining myself to operate from my values. I still have a hard time with this, but I know I have to do this to move forward.
I can hear the excuses you are making not to do this, I can hear them because I make excuses every day to give up on this way of doing things and settling back into my old ways. But I can’t ignore the connection I have discovered between putting myself aside and my unhappiness and I cannot underestimate the joy I feel when my new life works because I am living my values.
It takes time to develop a new habit and it is easy to settle back into your old ways of doing things. Consider this one more message to help prod you in the direction of redesigning your life according to your values. And if I can’t convince you, perhaps Oprah and Deepak can.