I know how lost and exhausted you must feel right now. While my experience may not be identical to yours, I’ve walked a similar road, and I still remember how hard it was. When I suddenly had to share parenting with my ex, my kids were just 4 and 7. It felt impossible. I knew it wasn’t in their best interests, and even now, I can get caught up in how the system let us down.

But as much as I hated those years—and believe me, there were many moments of frustration and regret—they taught me lessons I wouldn’t have learned any other way. I learned how to put myself first in a way that wasn’t selfish but necessary. It allowed me to show up as the best version of myself for my kids. I also learned how to support them better than I ever could have in the situation we had before.

There were plenty of days when I wished I had made completely different choices, but looking back now, I can honestly say I’m grateful for what the journey taught me.

Let me be clear: the system works against our best interests, is unfair, and maddening. Yet, as I navigated it step by step, I discovered something valuable. I learned how to reclaim my happiness and build a life that worked for me and my kids, even when everything felt stacked against us.

If you’re feeling like the weight of it all is too much, I want you to know this: You are not alone. And you are not a victim of the system or your circumstances.

It’s easy—so easy—to slip into what I call “victim mode.” That “why me?” feeling is tempting, and I know from experience that it only makes things feel heavier. Over time, though, I found my way out of that mindset. It wasn’t some big revelation or life-changing event that did it. It was a series of small choices—sometimes as small as deciding to get out of bed and face the day.

One of the most helpful things I did was find a champion and mentor—someone who could remind me when I was falling into that trap of victimhood and cheer me on when I needed it most. If you don’t have someone like that in your life right now, look for them. Maybe it’s another single mom who’s a little further along in the journey, or maybe it’s a friend who sees your strength when you can’t.

And don’t underestimate the power of your circle. Life is complicated, and we live in a world that’s quick to judge. If certain people in your life make you feel worse about your choices, it’s okay to step back from them. Instead, look for people who understand what you’re going through—other single moms who’ve been where you are or friends who are navigating similar challenges. You can lean on each other, support each other, and remind each other that you’re not alone.

You’ve got a long road ahead, but you also have so much strength inside you. What you’re doing right now is incredible—not just for your child, but for yourself. Keep going. One day, the weight will feel lighter, and when you look back, you’ll be proud of how far you’ve come.