Do you sometimes think to yourself “I am alone”?
I do. It is usually immediately after dropping my kids off at school on a day that is the start of a five day stretch where they live at their dad’s home.
It doesn’t matter that about thirty minutes earlier they were driving me bonkers with their loudness and fighting and I couldn’t wait to get them out of the house.
As soon as I give them a hug and a kiss goodbye and reluctantly walk away from their school, the thoughts take over.
Here is but a sampling:
“I do not get to see my kids for five days…. actually six if I include Wednesday when they are at school!”
“It is not natural that a mom does not get to see her kids.”
“I can do it, I know this is just a thought.”
“I am sad, it ok that I am sad, it is a sad situation.”
“I have things planned for my time. I was relishing have free time two days ago, remember that feeling.”
“I am alone.”
It is that last thought that really gets me. I don’t know if there is a more unmotivating and devastating thought out there. That thought takes me out of living the day as I want to: with hope, joy and purpose.
So I am writing about this in the hopes of recognising what that thought does to me if I take it on. Awareness if the first step as the saying goes.