Do you sometimes think to yourself “I am alone”?

I do. It is usually immediately after dropping my kids off at school on a day that is the start of a five day stretch where they live at their dad’s home.

It doesn’t matter that about thirty minutes earlier they were driving me bonkers with their loudness and fighting and I couldn’t wait to get them out of the house.

As soon as I give them a hug and a kiss goodbye and reluctantly walk away from their school, the thoughts take over.

Here is but a sampling:

“I do not get to see my kids for five days…. actually six if I include Wednesday when they are at school!”

“It is not natural that a mom does not get to see her kids.”

“I can do it, I know this is just a thought.”

“I am sad, it ok that I am sad, it is a sad situation.”

“I have things planned for my time. I was relishing have free time two days ago, remember that feeling.”

“I am alone.”

It is that last thought that really gets me. I don’t know if there is a more unmotivating and devastating thought out there. That thought takes me out of living the day as I want to: with hope, joy and purpose.

So I am writing about this in the hopes of recognising what that thought does to me if I take it on. Awareness if the first step as the saying goes.