Last’s week’s post is missing. Where did it go?
It got decimated by the negative internal chatter and negative future focus that was going on in my brain for the last two weeks. When I finally got out from it, this week’s blog post presented itself:
Your victimhood perspective is making you stuck.
You know the victimhood perspective right? It’s those thoughts that life is harder for you , your circumstances are too challenging, you can’t do it, life is unfair, etc. , etc., etc.
Those are the thoughts that lead you to make less than ideal choices or simply not make choices at all and avoid, avoid, avoid.
Instead of addressing the things you need to do with hope and optimism, you get dragged into doing things because things have gotten so bad, you are forced to do them kicking and screaming all the way.
I can think of one thing that I see people avoiding time and time again – taxes anyone?
Not doing taxes is not my issue; I like doing those. I have other things I avoid when I thinking these thoughts:
I’m too busy
My life is harder than everyone else’s
There’s a big conspiracy to stop me from doing “this” (“this” being whatever you are stuck on).
I can’t do it, I’m not capable.
This was me last week when I was feeling like I was being forced to do something I didn’t want to do.
I started off by trying not to let it affect me. My last post was all about waiting to see what would be revealed.
That didn’t work for me at all and it turns out I’m not very patient when there is uncertainty in my life. It felt like there was a ticking time bomb about to go off in my life which I had no control over.
Then I started talking to people about it despite my other self-imposed rule not to do this. I did this anyway because I was feeling sorry for myself and wanted sympathy.
I got sympathy. Did that make me feel better? Nope. I just thought “my life is so unfair.” even more.
Other people advised me that I needed to be an adult and deal with it.
I listened to the people telling me this and I chose to add it to the “more proof that my life is unfair” file I had set up in my brain.
“Why do I have to be the adult? That’s not fair. I’m always the adult.”
So then I sat around some more for a couple of days and felt worse and worse.
I hadn’t felt this low for a while.
So I hauled out my self-help tools and I started to trick my brain into feeling better.
I started writing. I wrote a lot of angry emails that I sent to myself. I started many (blamey and angry) blog posts.
I started practicing gratitude by writing down three things I was grateful for when I woke up every morning. I even got my kids to practice gratitude and that morning there was no yelling…coincidence? I journaled and generally pretended I was Pollyanna. Remember her? The irony that I have to try to be Pollyanna these days is kinda funny to me because when I was in my twenties, I was accused of being too much like Pollyanna by a friend of mine . It was considered a bad thing with certain people and frankly it got buried in me because I used to hang out with a bunch Eeyores.
I then started repeating this to myself:
“I’m choosing not to be a victim. After all I can deal with whatever is thrown my way. I always have, I always will. That is life. Everyone deals with whatever comes their way. We all do. Yes, some of it is really terrible and yes, it could possibly be very unfair but we all deal with it. I get to choose how to deal with it.”
Then I sat down and became the adult.
I addressed the issue that was making me feel like a victim.
I addressed it the way I know best.
And you know what? I got to get on with my life again and I got to head in the direction that I wanted. Suddenly I became productive and unstuck again. I contacted people I had been avoiding, I got on with my work backlog and I felt good.
So if you are feeling stuck and unhappy, check in with your perspective. Are you feeling like life is unfair?
If yes, you need to do some work.