Renaming the Divorcemobile
A client once asked me what kind of car to buy. I didn’t have a standard answer, because it depends entirely on the person, their situation, and what actually matters to them, which is different for everyone. Making decisions more easily comes down to knowing yourself.
When I first bought a car after my divorce, an eleven-year-old Toyota Corolla with low miles and low street appeal, I called it my “divorcemobile.” I recently renamed it. It’s my trusty steed now: good gas mileage, hasn’t cost me much to fix, gets me where I need to go.
When I first named that car, I was looking at it through what I thought other people saw. What other people think isn’t really my business. My business is knowing myself and living by my own values. Keeping what goes out below what comes in is part of how I run my life, and my trusty steed is one small, steady piece of that.
Understanding where you actually stand financially is the other half of making good decisions. I was forced into that reckoning when I separated. I’d never needed to budget before my divorce; I’d always kept a surplus and put it toward savings, but divorce wiped that out. When I finally sat down and did the math, it confirmed what I feared: I was in a deficit. Child support and a small amount of savings were what I had coming in. Newly divorced and job hunting, I’d look at that number and cry. How would I ever climb out?
I slashed my spending, dipped further into my RRSP than I wanted to, and got some coaching help. Slowly, my situation turned around. My inflows caught up to my outflows again. Now my kids are heading into their post-secondary years, and I can feel that old fear bubbling up again.
After the divorce, I didn’t believe I’d ever have money for a nicer car. I was right. I’ve put my earnings toward things I decided mattered more.
When you’re in the middle of a stressful life transition, you’ll face some genuinely significant decisions. Don’t base them on what other people tell you matters. Base them on what actually works for you. It’s tempting to decide quickly to escape the discomfort of being stuck, but don’t trade long-term clarity for short-term relief. Take the time actually to know yourself first. Every decision gets easier once you do.
