Screening 101

Who this is for

If you’re separating and about to hire a lawyer, mediator, or anyone else to help you through the family justice system, this is for you.

The first meeting sets your path. The right professional gets you the right help. The wrong one can cost you years and a lot of money.

Screening is how you tell the difference.

What screening is

Screening is when your professional gets to know you before deciding how to help.

They should ask about family violence. Not just physical violence. Control, threats, fear, financial control, someone watching what you do.

They should also ask about what else shapes your life. Trauma. Neurodivergence. Your kids. Your money. Who’s in your corner.

This isn’t small talk. It decides which process is safe and fair for you. Mediating with someone who controls you isn’t a fair negotiation.

It’s already the law in BC

Since 2013, section 8 of BC’s Family Law Act has required family dispute resolution professionals to assess whether family violence may be present. That includes lawyers, mediators, arbitrators, parenting coordinators, and family justice counsellors. (source)

They have to consider how it could affect your safety and your ability to negotiate a fair agreement. Then they have to talk with you about which process makes sense. (source)

Here’s the gap. Mediators, arbitrators, and parenting coordinators have screening rules, and they must complete family violence training. Lawyers don’t. The regulations don’t say how a lawyer should do it. (source)

So it’s up to each lawyer.

In my experience, many don’t. I’ve worked alongside many family law professionals. Some screened, and some didn’t.

Why it costs you, and why it’s worth it

Real screening takes time. It means telling your story. Most people don’t want to pay an hourly rate to share their life story. I get it. It’s a burn.

But your life story is needed. Trauma, neurodivergence, and family violence can change which process is safe, what you can negotiate, and what help you’ll need along the way.

Skip it, and you can end up in the wrong process. Mediating with someone who controls you. Agreeing to things you can’t live with.

Yes, it’s user-pay. For now. Unfortunately, the BC family justice system doesn’t work like BC’s medical system. You have to pay for the help your family needs, and yes, professionals in the family justice system have high hourly rates. There is some help out there. That is another post.

What good screening feels like

You should leave the first meeting feeling seen.

A good professional asks, then listens. They’re curious about how your life works. And this is the interesting part. They don’t apologize for billing you for your story, because they know it’s key to helping you find the path forward.

If I had my wish, every professional would bill for the time it takes to screen you. And if they can’t help you, they’d help you summarize your story to take to someone who can.

They’re willing to understand you, even when your story is complicated. Especially then.

And they don’t treat you as incapable. You’re not someone to rescue. You don’t need a daddy. You need a professional who sees what you’re up against and helps you decide.

You’re screening them too

While they’re screening you, you get to screen them.

Do they seem trauma-informed? Or did you walk away feeling worse?

Unfortunately, you have to figure out why. Learning how the family justice system works can make you feel worse. I know it did for me. That’s not on them.

But what if it’s how they made you feel when they asked you questions? Did they make you feel gross? Did they add to your trauma? Did they do it in a way that means every visit will trigger you?

That’s okay. They may not be the right professional for you.

I know, it’s hard. I lucked out when I found my lawyer. An acquaintance referred me to her. She had helped them separate. Ask people who’ve been through it who helped them.

Questions to ask, and red flags

Ask at your first meeting; you could ask the following:

  • Will you ask me about safety and family violence before recommending a process?
  • What training have you had in family violence and coercive control?
  • How do you adjust when a client is neurodivergent or has trauma?
  • Which processes are safe for me, and why?

Red flags:

  • They never ask about violence, control, or fear.
  • They push mediation or settlement before they know your story.
  • They talk over you or talk down to you.
  • They make you feel like the problem.
  • You leave with a bad feeling. Trust it. It’s time to look elsewhere.

So ask

Screening is required. It isn’t happening consistently. That gap gets smaller every time someone asks for it.

So ask.

Sources

Renée

Renée

My days these days are mostly advocacy, with my kids always first, and hiking, biking, and cold plunging worked in whenever I can. Winter cold plunges aren’t for everyone, but there’s a strange kind of beauty and calm in it that I’ve come to need.

Separation was a journey. It took time, and it taught me most of what I know now.

I write about what I learned along the way, and about the family justice system I ended up spending years inside of.